Trail Ride from Heck

Mon Apr 10, 2006

First BIG Trail ride of the season this past Sunday morning! Well, more than three horses anyway! Hadn't ridden Quzqo in THREE days, but he'll be finnneeeee!

While I waited for the other ladies to get tacked up, I took Himself to the outdoor arena (nice deep energy-sucking sand footing) and rode him ragged, lots of fast trotting and nice cantering, backing, turns on the hindquarters, doing the trail obstacles, and he was good as gold! What a GOOD boy my Arabian Horse is!! (Smug Alert! Smug Alert!)

Finally the rest of the ladies show up...the barn's resident trainer (the one I've been taking lessons from all Winter) riding a client's TWH mare, another woman on a TWH, Another lady on a QH and her daughter on a green-broke 4 yr old QH gelding (the little booger that I've seen chewing on Quzqo's head, including that morning!), another lady on a QH, and my friend on her Paint mare! A pretty good crowd, and a beautiful clear sunny warm (well, if you want to call 50 degrees warm...around here, we DO!) day! And off we go!

No Barn-Sour Hissy Fits from Himself as we leave the barn property, that's a good sign...usually just as we reach the property line and if I turn him right (towards the Big World) instead of left (back to the barn), I'd get balking, rearing, spinning, head-tossing, tail-cranking and a whole bunch of 'tude! But not that day...too many horses to follow! (including his Lady Love, the Paint and his pasture pal, the 4 yr old "Buster")

Lucky we were also the slowest horse, so we were at the end of the column when the DIRT BIKE came blatting up the dirt road we were approaching! The first four horses spooked at the dirt bike, the others spooked because the first four spooked! Yeehaw! Buster the QH TORE off down the hill at a gallop with his young rider (well, she's mid-teens) (and a bosal, no bit)... both her mom and the trainer hollered about pulling him in a circle with one rein...she did just that and got him stopped pretty quick! PHEW! Everybody got their composure back, and after some shying and spooking as we got onto the road (might be more dirt bikes, you never know!), things calmed down and we got to enjoy the beautiful spring day (maybe some day there'll be green growing things! Not much in sight yet!)

Did a bit of riding the trails, did a lot of brush-poppin' because Deb, the trainer, HATES being limited to trails or roads and likes to make her own. All I could worry about was Quzqo's cool white horsehair shoo-fly tassel hanging from our cinch...didn't want it to get torn off by a branch or something! Eventually we made it back to the Michigan Shore-To-Shore trail (NO motorized vehicles allowed, hoorah!), down the steep hills, across the cool wooden bridge that spans a fast-running woodland stream, up the steep hill, down the narrow two-track, across the paved road, down more one-horse-wide trails...about that time I think the horses were getting bored, because they pretty much all started causing shit. One of the QH's got too close to Quzqo, so he kicked it with both hooves. Buster got too close to Quzqo, so he kicked HIM in the chest! Buster BIT my friend's Paint mare in the butt and got kicked for his trouble. The gal on Buster thought it'd be fun to TROT down the hill trail (trail is about 3' wide with trees on both sides and curvy!)...which meant Quzqo felt compelled to CANTER! He's due to have his feet trimmed Saturday, which is probably why, 2/3 of the way down (with me closing my eyes and praying) he TRIPS and stumbles...thankfully neither of us went down, but I got to bounce my head off the back of his neck! Was NOT saying kind things to that horse!

No, couldn't stop him...there's that point where a horse doesn't care WHAT you've got in his mouth or wrapped around his nose, beyond all reason and sense...that genial and golden horse earlier who would back off the trail course bridge and do a sweet turn on the hindquarters was no more. Instead I was astride a mindless, thrumming bundle of Instinct and Energy! Hoo-RAH!

I might as well have gotten off and walked, for all the mind he paid me, LOL! At least I knew he was too lazy to run off and wouldn't leave the rest of the "herd", but since the lead horses were smug people on TWHs ("Why Post When You Can Coast"?), we never got into a good distance trot or canter...pretty much hours of stop/start/stop/start frustration. Since the trainer was leading us, she took us to parts unknown...if I knew the trails, I would have moved to the front of the line and said "see ya later, we got some trotting to do!" but alas, no.

The trainer had the genius idea of watering the horses at the edge of a small lake...there's a short slope (about 45 degrees) from a two-track to the water, with a sandy bottom...AND a couple of guys fishing in a boat, which meant they'd parked their pick-up RIGHT by the slope, leaving half a two-track's space of room to get the horses. Those who dared ended up with their horses' rumps on the two track, and the fronts 45 degrees down into the water. The girl on Buster tried to get him in the water, but, hey, guess what? This was Buster's FIRST TRAIL RIDE and he'd never even SEEN water before! (well, other than puddles, that is). I could imagine the thoughts of the fishermen as they saw this big tan horse tap-dancing inches away from their shiny black truck, LOL...never mind the earlier splashing of the horses, probably scared away any fish in the area!

Fortunately they didn't force Buster...Quzqo and I watched from a distance (wasn't even going to try, especially with the truck there!!)...he decided we'd watched enough and began to turn back...and rear...and spin...and fuss, and spin...and rear, and spin...and fuss....the instant the rest of the horses came back, they ALL knew...we have turned back...we are going...HOME!

A RACE TO THE BARN! Of course the trainer knew "short cuts", which included more brush-poppin' and...a stream crossing! I wasn't worried, Quzqo loves water...but we were all worried about young Buster. The first horse to approach the stream got stuck (briefly) in the fetlock-deep black muck along the edges, but managed through...the stream was about fetlock-deep with a nice pebbly bottom, no worries. Quzqo and I stood back and observed, and when I deemed we should give it a try, the little booger marched right on through the muck and into the stream, stopped, pawed at the water, dipped his head, but I think the movement of the water baffled him...by that time they were trying to convince Buster to cross, so we moved out and up the opposite bank. Oh, let me correct that...we JUMPED from the damned stream bed UP the three or so-foot dirt bank to the grass! Couldn't WALK up like the other horses, noooo, we had to SPRING like a damned kangaroo!!!

Let me say at this point that I adore my deep-seated trail saddle, and adore my suede chaps which helped me stick to the saddle so nicely.

Well, they never did convince Buster to cross that sparkly stream of water, so the teen, her mom, and the trainer had to double-back and take the extra-long way around, and the rest of us continued up the track and waited on the dirt road for them. Not too awful long a wait. I kept Quzqo busy by working on our lateral work and turns on the forehand. Little shit didn't deserve a rest, LOL!

The ladies discovered that it was now 2:20 in the afternoon (we left the barn at 11:30 a.m.), and the vet was going to be at the barn at 3:00 to do something or another. So now the HUMANS were in a rush as well as the horses! Off we go again, but now we're HURRYING! Oh, let's TROT! Let's brush-pop and trot through the hardwood forest, it's fun! That's when Quzqo got kicked by Buster, and Buster bit his rider's mom's horse in the ass! I might as well have thrown away my reins, for all the horse was paying attention to me! We're busting through the woods, there's a tree across our path, everybody walks across it or high-step trots over...except for...Quzqo...no, he had to JUMP the damned thing! NO warning, I was trying to slow him so he could step, no, he had to JUMP, my butt went airborne, I went forward, but thanks to my saddle and my chaps, I didn't leave permanently and bounced back into the seat! Next log across the path, the same thing, the horse JUMPS over it! We're not talking a little hop, a little bobble, we're talking Grand Prix Gem Twist Lonesome Glory LEAPS into the AIR and coming down and cantering off and bouncing Sue out of the saddle! We're talking logs maybe a foot high here...nothing that requires a horse to sprout wings and LAUNCH skyward!!!

Time must be running out, because the horses up front began to lope...yeah, nice, civilized, well-behaved horse loping. Behind them we had the CRAY-ZAY OMG We're Going To The Barn faction, lead by Himself! Despite my efforts to keep him to a trot (I've got the sore legs and arms to prove it!) Quzqo broke into a canter...and look, there's a LOG ahead of us! Shiiiiiiit **BAM** skyward we flew OVER...before I could recover (I think I was slightly sideways in the saddle) ahead of ME is a tree trunk, in front of US was a fallen tree and we were headed right for it...the horse ERUPTED beneath me and we both FLEW over that tree and again I was nearly bounced out of the saddle when we hit the ground and cantered on! I yelled at the bouncing brown horse butts ahead to slow down a minute...the ladies glanced back like "huh? what?" and the gasping and giggling gals behind me were "Oh MY GAWD Did you see THAT!" "What did you DO!" "I don't believe it!!"...that danged tree/log/branch/dead fall that Quzqo flew over was at least 3 feet high at the point he jumped (it was about 4-5 feet what I saw!)(it went down to a foot or so where the other horses had the good sense to cross over it!). My friend with the Paint confirmed
that he just FLEW over it, tucked his hind legs up so nice and cleared it with no problem (except for the rider!!) GAH!

No, the story doesn't end...we finally got back to the trail, with two more fallen logs across the path..the EXACT SAME LOGS HE WALKED OVER on the way out...no, we had to JUMP the damned things...I was ready this time, but he popped straight up like bread from a toaster, and let's face it, a trail saddle (basically a Western saddle w/o a horn, thank GOD for that!!!) is NOT
constructed for jumping, and again I fell forward and bounced back into the seat. I should just use the friggin' English saddle next time at this rate!!

Somewhere on the last jump I did lose the spur on my right foot (not that I even needed spurs, LOL), so tomorrow night I'll have to go back out and look for it...luckily it wasn't lost TOO far from the barn). When we got to the dirt road, Quzqo was wound up tighter than a watchspring, and I trotted him on ahead of the others..we FLEW baby, you better believe it! Had a heck of a time turning him around (rear/spin/snort), and we cantered back to the other horses, turned around, trotted down the road, turned, met the others, and I tried to make him WAIT so we could join the back of the line...oh my gosh, he was REARING and spinning and causing such a fuss...the look of fear on the face of the Mom was priceless, LOL! I was laughing and shouting "WHEEEE!"...what a maroon (the horse, or the rider??)! No wonder he sold at auction for $100!!!

Finally at long last, after 3-1/2 hrs on the trail, Quzqo got to go back to his pasture...he got a long drink, rolled in the dirt, got up, and cantered off into the distance without even a backwards glance...I could have died on the spot for all he cared, LOL! For all I cared, he could just stay out there, I wasn't coming back to bring him in at night. And apparently he DID stay out all night, because today after work, he was ZONED, BWAHAHAHAAA...(he never sleeps well out in the pasture)...Didn't ride him, just brought him in, brushed him (new chew marks on his face), and put him in his stall...last night's grain and hay was still there, I could tell he hadn't been in his stall due to the dried remains of his bran mash on the sawdust.

Tomorrow I think I'll set up some jumps in the arena...if we're going to be jumping, we'd better practice!!

(Why did I find broken twigs in my boots I wonder!?)