Thank Goodness For Drunken Rednecks

Took the day off of work today because the dogs had a vet appointment (Heartworm test), and since I didn't really have anything to do at work, it didn't make sense to sit around being bored for the day with three dogs bouncing around my office (with gas over $4/gallon, I wasn't about to make a 15 mile trip home to drop them off, then another 15 mile trip back to work to sit around and be bored)

With the doggies all tended to, well, of course that meant going out to the barn after lunch! With temperatures in the mid-70's and a bit of cloud cover...who could resist?

I like riding Quzqo in the afternoons; he's had his breakfast, the initial excitement of being OUT has burned off, he's probably looking for diversions, and he isn't tuckered out or thinking about dinner. The perfect time.

Got him all tacked up in his trail riding tack; trail saddle with shoo-fly tassel on the cinch (white horsehair to match his mane and tail), breast collar to prevent saddle from shifting during any sudden changes of direction, a nice nylon bag that attaches to the pommel with two zippered compartments, a pocket for a cell phone (assuming anyone is stupid enough to attach their cell phone to the saddle...that would be on the horse...that would be running away after having dumped you in the woods), and a holder for a water bottle.

For the record, I clipped my cell phone to my waistband in a groovy leather case I found at a thrift store earlier in the week...carefully put to the side, not in the back where I might land on it if I fell.

Proving once again that I have a taste for the self-destructive, I opted to use the bitless bridle on him. Yeah, the grass in the hayfields is pretty tall, I knew I was heading for a hopeless tug-o-war as we worked our way through, but gosh, I'd been riding him in curbs for weeks now, I thought he'd appreciate the change.

Of course it started to RAIN just as soon as I'd adjusted the bridle on his head, dammit! But by the time I got on him in the indoor arena, it'd stopped down to a drizzle. Heck, I've ridden indoors all winter, I want a TRAIL RIDE!

We headed on out, and the horse did fine, he actually seemed more relaxed than normal (lack of a bit perhaps?). We had a few tug-o-wars over the grass and alfalfa in the hayfield, and much to my delight, NO hissy fit at the corner where we leave the barn property (last time we did that a few days earlier he was in fine, rearing/spinning form).

Headed off down the dirt road, even did a little cantering, went for half a mile or so along a paved road...the sad little flat dead deer in the ditch had been reduced to a few scattered bones. Lot more trotting...Quz shied at a real estate sign, but no traffic was coming, so no harm done.

Down the trail, oh boy, the leaves are out, that means the horse can snack as we go (especially without a bit in his mouth!). Up to another dirt road, let's canter!

His canter's improved so nicely this Spring, we've both built up muscles, and happily he even took his left (bad) lead when I asked. It's such a joy when he willingly keeps going and going and going with minimal nudging! We ended up going into the woods down a two-track that's also part of the Michigan Shore-to-Shore trail...ooo, so green and mossy and smelled so nice... the wildflowers are over with for the most part, but the rainfall made the place look like Oregon or Northern California...beautiful!

Er...what's that smell?

What's that sound?

AGH! Not 20 feet away on the side of the trail, the bloated flyblown carcass of a Whitetail Deer! AAAGH! I spurred Quzqo ON...he didn't quite understand WHY but picked up on my urgency (or else he picked up on the smell) and we blew past that repulsive roadside attraction and got well upwind before slowing down. Bleah!!! The bad thing being; we'd have to come back this way too!

Battling a bad case of the heebie jeebies, we continued our merry way through the woods. The road was pitted with Scary Puddles that Quzqo's precious hoofies could NOT touch... not even the darkened mud around them, no, 'tis better to go off-road up the roadside bank and down again than to besmirch those dainty toes!

We made our way about a mile into the woods to one of my favorite spots where the road passes over a quiet little stream...it's mossy with Cedars on both sides, with little water grasses and watercress and an occasional minnow...just so peaceful and calm...except for the Arabian spooking at the piece of bark on the road, or the glitter water, or the bird flitting from the streamside. Did get him to stop and stand quietly for nearly 30 seconds before turning and heading back.

Heading back is always quicker than heading out. Despite my best efforts, again I was unpleasantly surprised by that damned stinking dead deer, and my yelp helped motivate the horse into a hand gallop past it! We outraced the odor and burst out onto the dirt road!

The wind had picked up, the sky was once again darkening...did I just hear thunder? No, it's a jet...but the sky was dark enough to spawn thunder and worse...well, that's good motivation to get back to the barn in a hurry!

About that time I'd realized I'd made a poor choice in underwear...cotton bikini panties just don't work... and I could feel the elastic cutting into the tender bits with each stride of the horse...good time for a posting trot! That also helped alleviate the pain in my ankle, which just can't stand plain walking for extended periods of time.

We were making good time when once again I was distracted by something shiny....a nearly mint Bud Lite beer can in the roadside weeds! Now here in Michigan we've got a 10 cent deposit on beverage containers, and before I broke the leg (or more correctly, Quzqo broke my leg), it was a fun challenge to gather cans up on trail rides (my record being 7 = 70 cents). But I was hesitant to dismount now, worried I wouldn't be able to get back on. Lately though, mounting hadn't been hurting and I thought Hm, this might be a good time to see if I can still do that.

Slid off the horse, losing my cell phone in the process (so much for that plan), put the can into my pommel pack, shoved the phone in my pocket, and decided to walk. Heck, it'd give my bikini-torn butt a break, give my cramped and tingly ankle a stretch, and give the horse a break from having to hike up the very steep blind hill ahead of us. It felt GOOD!

Unfortunately at the top of the hill we were slammed with the full force of the wind, easily blowing 30mph sustained! I did manage to maneuver the horse next to a dirt bank and got into the saddle as he started walking off (grrr)... only to be greeted by a bunch of teenagers in an ATV and one on a dirt bike! They turned around and putted back down the side road they came, the horse no worse for wear, and on we went. We started back down the hayfield when I glanced down and saw that my whip was missing from the pommel pack! It'd fallen out...somewhere! I remembered glancing at it as we were walking up the hill, so it can't be that far back.

It wasn't, and again I slid off, retrieved the whip, led the horse back to the same dirt bank...but the noise of the wind, the putt-putt of the ATV, and probably my own nervousness got Quz a bit higher-strung than he was. Don't know how many circles he had to turn before I got him next to the dirt long enough for me to climb up into the saddle, but it sure felt good to be in the saddle (except for the bikini pain, and the ankle pain)

We made it back to the barn in one piece, and 10 cents richer. I felt proud that I was able to get off and on not once but twice mid-trail ride, that'd been something that was nagging at me all Spring. Thanks to some drinking redneck who tossed his Bud Lite can out the window!

Maybe someday I'll be able to remount from the ground, ha, dream on!