Quzqo T. Butthead

Finally had a day "off" (ha!) and made my way out to the barn after lunch! Quz was "in a mood", I could tell that when I went to catch him and he was so ignoring me that I had to drag his head up from the grass to put the halter on him.

I'll admit I was a little nervous, as I planned to take him off the property, something I haven't done RIDING since last October. Wasn't even going to try to take him the usual route where the antique hay mower stands guard and terrifies him out of his freckles! I did go the full monty in tacking him up...breastcollar and shanked bit, cell phone in pants pocket... just in case.

O, he was a mischievous little scamp of a horse, swinging his butt away from me when all I was trying to do was tie my butt-saver pad to the saddle seat...I just chased him round and round, him doing perfect turns on the forehand as he thought he was being clever, swinging his butt away...we did maybe 10 rotations before he gave up, and was probably surprised that all I did was fuss with his saddle. When the time came to actually get on, I just bribed him with a piece of carrot and he stood stock still, chewing, until my butt ALMOST hit the seat...he took off a split second before that moment, sigh.

Tried to open the indoor arena gate, he was all Drama Llama about GET THE GATE OPEN GET THE GATE OPEN I DON'T CARE IF IT'S ONLY OPEN A FOOT I'LL SQUEEZE THROUGH IT I WANT OUTOUTOUT!, he didn't buck but he did give a little sissy hop of the front end (I wouldn't dignify it by calling it a "rear"). Round and round we went until I managed to get him close enough that I could grab the gate and pull it, then I had to spur him out of the way before it swung over and smacked us!

Then we went OUT!

Of course immediately he was all Mr. Chicken, oh my gosh there's logs and horses and a wagon and a trailer and a dark spot on the ground. Creeeeping along slowly as he could, oh noes, what might be behind that tree!! I just gave him a nudge and he gave up that charade.

Instead of heading inland along the fenceline, I rode him along the road, slightly trespassing in the neighboring hay field. He didn't quite know what to make of that, having never gone that way before. We reached the dirt road about 1/2 mile away without incident.

Then it was "Oh my feet hurt on these stones", he was mincing and limping and tripping and shuffling along...I tried to trot him on the sandy shoulder of the road, and he petered out, like "oh, my feet hurt too much to trot!". That's okay, I did want to enjoy the wildflowers, and he gave me plenty of time to do that, at his arthritic snail's pace.

We neared the top of the hill when suddenly he SHOT to the left and tried to crash into the bushes! WTF???? Had a devil of a time turning him back to the road... THEN it dawned on me...that was the little game trail we take to go HOME! You little shit, BWAHAHA! Better memory than an elephant!!! Got him going straight again, he picked up the pace, was almost walking eagerly...then AGAIN he veered to the right, where a little two-track leads to the same hay field we would go home by! Oh no you don't!!!

We got to the crest of the hill, and he gave a half-hearted Drama Llama performance about not going one step further, but the spurs and the reins counteracted that idea, and he made a big production of going down the hill, insisting on zig-zagging down instead of walking straight (because the rocks hurt his feet you know...funny, the rocks don't hurt his feet when I drive him on dirt roads). Couldn't get him to trot, he just pooped out on me. I took him down a little two-track, past the bright NO TRESPASSING sign, to check for morel mushrooms...we only went a few dozen yards in, because the blackberries are growing up and wrecking that trail as well. I turned him around (beautiful turn on the hind quarters), and came back to the road.

I KNEW what would come next...he tried to veer left to go back, I wanted to go right to continue! O the Dramatics!!! We tossed our head, we balked, we pranced, we spun in circles, we snorted, we tossed our head some more. I had to circle him around until he got dizzy, then combined spurs with a slap on the rump with the reins to get him moving west like we originally did. And he sulked his way down the road.

Without warning I turned him around and we were heading back...and I got him into a canter, and the little turd broke into a hand gallop and just ran like a goofball down the road, apparently the little rocks no longer hurt his hooves!! We galloped until he slowed to a canter, then a trot, and I made him keep trotting just a little bit longer than HE wanted to. No ouchy feets I noticed!!

Uneventful ride home through the hayfield, we even stopped by the scary antique hay mower, and I let him graze a little, he didn't seem to care one way or another. I bet if I turned around and headed back he'd care!

Made it back to the barn unscathed, but both a little sweaty! That was a big personal roadblock to get past! I'm hoping for more nice rides in the future!! Without the drama llama dramatics!