You Can't Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd

Sun Jul 10, 2005

And you can't show an Arabian at a Paint Horse Show!

Yep, what I THOUGHT was going to be that cool Arabian/Morgan Assn. show this weekend, turned out to be a Memorial Horse Show to benefit Cancer Research put on by a PAINT HORSE ranch!

Fish, meet desert!

LOL, I'm laughing about it NOW...30 hours ago I was near tears regretting the whole caper!!

Started out pretty good, at 6 A.friggin' M. in the morning! I think around 12 horses from the barn ended up going, happily Quzqo loaded like a champ into the 2-horse slant load stock trailer, and rode like a champ the hour drive downstate. That's where his Championship performance ended. Oh, everything went okay, considering...nice small town fairgrounds right in the middle of town, we parked inside the fence about 30 feet from a busy 5-lane highway, but Quzqo didn't mind one bit (except early evening when somebody's car backfired, that horse shot straight up in the air, as far as his tied lead would let him, LOL...he bounced around on the end of it like a balloon on a string until I got him calmed back down to Earth!). He'd even peed in the trailer, so when I opened the door, I was greeted by Lake Quzqo with a big island of shit in the middle! What a good boy! (Had to do something to occupy himself I guess)

Was surprised to see an aquaintance there, and found out later he was showing an adorable dark dark bay yearling filly (what's he got, ASBs? She had that look) About as big a fish out of water as Quzqo, considering the woman the show was memorializing was big into Paint horses, and 80% of the equine flesh in attendance were Paints! 18% were QHs, I saw one App, Three Arabians, two Morgans, a BLM Mustang, one Mini horse, & the ASB. Oh yes, and one TB (retired race horse from our barn). Everything else was Overo, Tovero, Tobiano, Sabino, Minimal Overo, Splash, WHEW! If you were into pinto coloration, you'd have loved that show!!

Well, despite his having spent the night in a sheet, Quzqo still managed to WALLOW and GRIND in great gobs of green manure ALL over himself, both sides, AND his face... I knew he was tired the previous night, but c'mon! Thankfully my trailering companion with an overo Paint mare, had some blue shampoo, so poor Quzqo got another bath on the fairgrounds. It was 75 degrees by 9 a.m., he had NO problems drying off in time for his first class, which was the Halter Jackpot. Since it was also double-judged, I had to pay double-fee to enter! $20, but I was SO confident in my good-lookin' boy. (he WAS gleaming, even his pasterns were shimmy silver in the sunlight, his crest and dock moussed so not one stray hair showed, clipped and buffed and polished and sweet-smelling and SO dapper in his new show halter...Phew!) There were 7 entries in the class...1 Arabian and 6 PAINTS (duuuuh). I'd been clicker-training him for weeks to get him to "target" to the handle of my whip, and he's gotten so good he didn't even need the apple hidden in my hand, or the clicker...I got him set up, and raised the whip, and he just snaked his head right out, ears pricked, up high and arched and held it and held it and held it, even cocking it slightly...I was SO proud of him...I hoped the judge noticed that the lead was totally slack (but not sloppy), demonstrating what a good, obedient horse he was, stretching everything he owned to flatten that topline and just ooze grace and beauty....

Yeah, we got nuttin'. But, they only placed to third (cash prizes), so that means the other 3 Paints got nuttin' as well. But I was proud he did so well, even though I'd pissed away $20 in the process (I reminded myself, "it's for a good cause...cancer esearch!")

Had about 45 minutes 'til his REAL Halter Class..."Pleasure Type Geldings" (no, no "Most Classic Arabian" class, *sigh*, though they did have a "Color Class" for the PAINTS!), so I let him enjoy some hay and relax by the trailer...then I discovered on his left buttock, a big long streak of unrinsed blue shampoo! AAAUGH! No, it wasn't blue any more, it'd soaked in, so it was just a long dark grey area, with lots of dust/dirt stuck to it...but it also could have been just part of his coat pattern, if you
weren't familiar with Quzqo's back buttock! Plus his buttock was facing West during the class, which meant when the judge was on that end of him, the sun would have been in his eyes, so I doubt they saw it...needless to say, Quzqo's left buttock got a quick sponge-off!

Watched the Pleasure Type Mare class, a lovely Morgan took the first, don't know what took 2nd because they dismissed the class, and later would announce the placings, using the entrant's name and number, not the horse, so you really had no idea who won what unless you knew the people...hated that method! There was a lovely bay rabicano Arabian mare in that class, but she got 3rd I believe...a Miniature Horse got 4th out of 4 (which had no business being in that class since they also had a Pony Halter class)

My friend's yearling won the Weanling/Yearling class, no surprise there...that was a gorgeous filly...dapples galore!

Finally Pleasure Type Gelding...with a whopping TWO entries...Cusco, and a bay Arabian gelding with, well, a pretty straight head and a big dip in the back and a big round butt (BubbleButt the Race Horse?). No, I'm not just being barn-blind, my old guy, Tezlu, with his skinny chest and rafter hips had better conformation that that thing...just that concave topline would
have kept me from showing it in Halter...he was being shown by a young teenage girl in a Western slinky top (blue with spangles), and neither she nor horse knew what they were doing. So, we trotted into the arena, I got Quzqo set right up, he stretched beautifully, better than before...but started to get fussy and bored, and started cocking his hind leg...I'd get
him set up again, he'd move his front leg..I put it back, he'd decide to look over to the left...and cock a hind leg, I'd get him set right up again, finally he got bored with bugging me and posed VERY nicely for a good long stretch...meanwhile the other girl's horse was all over the place, switching his tail, back hollowed, head up high, legs everywhere...

The judges dismissed us from the arena, to await the placings...didn't have to wait long. Judge "A" placed Quzqo FIRST (out of two, BFD), but Judge "B" placed the bubble-butt first and Quzqo Second! GRRRRGH! The sun must have been in his eyes, or else he likes teenage girls (she wasn't buxom either)...more likely he didn't give a crap about stupid Arabs and felt sorry for the kid so gave her a blue because that other broad probably has big bucks to have such a fancy horse and get-up and knows what she's doing and probably has a spare room full of trophies, so give the kid a blue ribbon, what the hell, who cares, this is a PAINT horse show!

Well, at least we got two rosettes (a rather morbid design I thought, with two black streamers...I know the woman who died was the showholder's sister, but how about something a little more optimistic???), and got to go into the Championship Showback! Which took place a few minutes later... Quzqo did WONDERFUL...he showed his little self like never before, plenty of "Look at MEEEE! I'm PRETTY!"...Ibn Bubble Butt was all over the place like before...unfortunately the Showback also included my friend and his yearling which stretched right out and stood so nice, and another woman with the Morgan from the Mare's class (technically there should have been another mare, but who knows where she went, I didn't care!). Of course, the woman with the Morgan took the Champ, my friend took the Reserve, Quzqo and Ibn Ben Bubble got naught...but when I saw they didn't have proper Championship rosettes for prizes (just handed out a regular Blue for the Champ, Red for the Reserve),
I felt better! Cripes, they couldn't at least get tri-colored rosettes? Or they couldn't figure out how to include the BLACK streamers into them?

Quzqo did good though...Halter is his forte'...fortunately a mere 13 days from now is the two-day double-judged show at the barn, so we can try again! And hopefully they won't have a pair of fat old cowboys judging!

UNfortunately about 10 minutes later they had a 30 minute break for lunch, so the arena instantly filled with riders warming up their horses...I had to change clothes, braid up the horse, tack up the horse...get ON the horse...GAAAH! I made it to the arena with TWO minutes to go before they chased everyone out...at least I got to ride him around half the arena, past the announcer's stand...he was very calm about the whole thing, very ho-hum (he spent half the morning yawning). Our first class was English Equitation 35/over, had quite a wait...tried doing some warm-up circles, bending, flexing, little bit of trotting back and forth, he seemed fine, mellow, not spooky or gawking in the least. My biggest problem was I was TERRIFIED, LOL. Not keen on taking a horse into a strange arena for the first time and having to canter him...why O why didn't I lie and enter him in Novice! The woman we rode down with was smart, she DID sign up for the Novice WP & Western Horsemanship, never mind she's shown Morgans for eons... she figures her horse is a novice (4 yrs old), so that counts. U-huh...

Class finally came, the judge had the entrants enter at a walk and find a place on the rail. Quzqo followed the other horses in and figured it was a trail ride, so when the horse in front of us went way ahead and stopped, I tried to stop him a good distance behind...oh, no, he wanted to follow THAT horse...and started to yank and pull and throw his head around and try to
sneak up to the other horse...I walked him in a tight circle, JUST as we're facing the wrong direction, the announcer goes "TROT!" and the class starts trotting! I quick whisk the horse 180 degrees and get him into a NICE posting trot...we've been working on that long enough, he'd better be good at it by now!!

Doing quite well, we start to pass the other horses...there
were 7 in the class...6 Paints and QHs and one Arabian. They call for a Walk, he slowed right down..."Canter"! Well, it took a little bit of heel but I got him into a pretty, um, er, energetic canter...we passed more horses, cut across the end of the arena, came down the straightaway towards the gates and he STOPS! "Hey, the gates! We're done! Let's go home!"

I get him BACK into a canter, we go maybe 1/4 of the arena and he slows down to a trot and walk...I stop him, and get him into a canter from a standstill...I tell ya, I'm about picking that horse up and carrying him!! We pass more horses, get to the end of the arena, he slows down to a trot, I get him back into the canter, then the announcer calls for a walk! THAT he could do. We reversed okay (big whoop), then the judge called for a sitting trot! ARRRGH...well, it's Equitation, right? They judge the rider, not the horse.... Quzqo has never done a sitting-speed trot in his life...I tried to get him into a slow (for him) trot and by God I SAT that thing!!! We were passing all those middle aged women on their stock horses but I was sitting, dammit!! Mercifully they called for a posting trot and THAT I could do, LOL...couldn't we just trot and walk??? Please? Nope..."Canter"!

Luckily Quzqo's right lead is his better one, and he got into a nice (for him) canter...we still passed the other horses, I know we lapped that one tobiano at least twice during the class, LOL! He got near the gates and slowed to a trot and veered to the left. (to the gate)...I KICKED him with my outside heel and got his butt back into a canter and I held that horse in the gait by sheer will power!! My thighs must be made of iron by now! Then they called for a walk, halt on the rail, back three steps (he did, hoorah!!!) (He didn't know how to back up when I got him, so I'm proud of that), line up. I parked him near the gate so we could slink out quickly.

Needless to say we didn't place, but Judge "A" did give me an "Honorable Mention", BWAHAHA! Thank you, judge, I needed that!

$8 down the crapper...but, "it's for a good cause...cancer research!".

What a contrast to showing my old guy, Tezlu...I couldn't get him to slow down at the canter! We'd usually end up doing a hand gallop long AFTER they called for the next gait. I stopped showing him after we almost ran over a judge, LOL!

So I spent the next hour or so moping and disgusted and disappointed and frustrated, and having to deal with perpetually cheery good sports from the barn who would tell me "It's all in fun, isn't it?" "Have a good time, that's what's important" "At least you're making the effort, that's what counts". SHADDAP! You guys have ribbons! Your horses have remote controls
embedded in the pommel of their saddles, with a button for "canter" and "back up", and are big fat stock horses that my horse can walk faster than they can canter! Your horses cost thousands of dollars and have had more education than I have! I'll admit, my dread was that I've got another unshowable Tezlu on my hands, and I WAS so looking forward to being able to
show him...granted he's good at Halter, and is a wonderful person for a horse, but still...

I figured I'd adopt my Equilocity frame of mind..."I paid my money, dammit, I'll make them LOOK at my horse!!!" I just warned the other ladies to give me lots of room, and I can't be responsible for their safety, LOL! English Pleasure, 35/over, here we come!

The class came, I muttered under my breath "It'll be just like Beggar's Canyon back home..." and into the arena we walked... this time I took him to the left and we found a stop on the rail away from the other horses (no "trail ride" mentality this time!) He started to fuss and twist and suddenly stops...and PEES! Why not! What the hell!! Can't be much worse!! Thus relieved, he started to fuss again, and I was again trying to circle him...AGAIN I was pointing the wrong way when the damned announcer said "Trot". ARRRGH! (Y'know, NORMALLY, when the horses have all entered the ring, the announcer says "This is your class" which lets the rider know that it's about to start...grr). I saw the horse in front of us trotting towards us, I get him turned around and off we go!

Now THIS time I know his tricks, and know about the lure of the out gate, and I'm ready! They called for the canter, I get him right into a nice hand gallop (BWAHHAHA! I don't CARE either!!! Outta my way!!!)...I WAS trying to slow him down, but the new surroundings, all the other cantering horses (8 entries), if I pulled on the reins, he'd throw his head up and speed up, if I tried dropping my weight and leaning back, he'd speed up, if I tried releasing the rein pressure and tensing my tush, he'd speed up...before he'd try to slow down by the gates, and earn a heel to the ribs, and he'd speed up again...we finally got into his "normal" canter, which meant we kept to the inside and passed on the left. They called for a walk...not a problem. Reverse, walk, stop on the rail, back up 3 steps...no problem there! I couldn't breathe, my legs were in agony, and my mouth felt like it was full of cotton, but no problem! "Canter"...Awaaay we go! Yeeahaaa! Outta the way, slowpokes!!! Now for the record, he was doing his normal Quzqo canter, which, I imagine if compared to other Arabians, is pretty normal speed...balanced, ground-covering, animated...able to blow past a cantering Paint horse like it was standing still! "Walk and line up". So we did.

No placing, but at least I had company with one other poor sap this time. But we did it, we did it BETTER (he didn't stop or slow), he picked up the correct lead every time (Even ole Tezlu wouldn't do that!)...so I'll chalk it up to experience...and another $8 down the crapper...("it's for a good cause...cancer research!")

Thank God it was over!! I couldn't WAIT to get OFF that horse (Now I know why the Endurance Riders call that certain condition "Monkey Butt"), get OUT of those clothes, and find some SHADE!!! 3+ hours on horseback in 87 degree sunshine is a bit much! Yes, I tended to Himself as well, he drank two buckets of water and settled down to his hay bag. I got to kill 6 more hours while my companion showed her mare in the Western classes (the NOVICE Western Classes, Grrrr...where she did pretty good, considering it was the mare's first show). The windshield of the truck was well-bedecked in ribbons, and at least the lone BLUE one was Quzqo's!!

Now, ole Tezlu was a pretty self-assured old fellow...you could take him to a show, leave him tied to a trailer with a haynet, and go do something else for hours. You'd come back, find the haynet empty and him standing there with a foot cocked, and that beloved guileless look on his face (He had a big wide white blaze that gave him this innocent dumb look...fooled a LOT of people).

Not so, His Highness Emperor Kuzco.

"Helloooo, Earth to Human. *I* seem to be OUT OF HAY!"

"A-HEM! Why are you over THERE, when *I* am over HERE???"

"This water is warm! I demand fresh, COOL clean water!"

"Pay attention to MEEEEEE!"

If he'd emptied his haybag and scrounged every scrap on the ground, he'd start pawing and digging, if the water was gone, he'd start pawing at the bucket, then look up at me like "WELL????" LOL...Like the obedient slave I am, I'd go get him some more, and at least I got an appreciative nicker...course I had to hold the bucket up for him to take his dainty sips. When the hay ran out, he'd start pawing and jigging around, so I'd take him for a walk around the fairgrounds...he wanted to be involved, that was obvious! Even when he did settle down, he'd face the highway and watch the cars go by, or watch the people at the gas station across the highway, it was pretty neat that he was so "into" everything! Of course, that's probably his first real "away" horse show experience tied to a trailer all day, so who knows (the 2 day show we did last year, we'd rented stalls, so he had a comfy box stall to relax in between classes).

The show FINALLY got over around 8:30 at night! GAAAH! The temperature had plummeted from 90 degrees to a brisk 78, I'd been on my feet for about 14 hours (well, that's counting sitting in the saddle)(but not counting riding in the truck), all I'd had to eat was one hot dog and some potato chips...the horses were crabby and whiny, I was whiny, my companion tripped on her chaps and took a header, LOL (she's fine). Around 8 Quzqo started getting "clingy", and would ooze over to where I was sitting and sort of rest his muzzle on my head or shoulder, LOL! Yep, Arabians ARE "people horses"!

Came loading time and "Sienna" the Paint mare got into the trailer first...I started to lead Quzqo in and he stopped, his nostrils flared, and suddenly Sienna let loose a cannon spray of pee! AAAGH! Jump back!!! LOL! She peed for the first time all day, long and hard, all over the floor of the trailer (I had cleaned it out that morning, so Quzqo's pee had dried up long ago). THEN she took a big stinky dump in the midst of it...and Quzqo would go NO where NEAR the thing! He did NOT want into the trailer, and I can tell you, it was pretty thick in there, LOL!! Coos had a look like "Ewww! Mare Pee!!!"...but, "Make the wrong thing hard, the right thing easy"...he got a little bit of backing up & round&round, then we'd try the trailer again...got his front feet in, he just couldn't make the back ones step that high up, so he hopped out, banging his head on the roof, which almost slipped his halter off his head! No good, that! Round and round and back up back up, try it again, I got into the trailer, tugged the lead, I saw him rock back on his haunches, and the little shit JUMPED into the trailer! LOL! Literally taking flight! What a good boy!!

Got back to the barn around 10:30 p.m....Walking Dead time...even though Himself had scarfed down around 5 flakes of crappy 1st cutting hay during the day, he still wanted two more for dinner...can't imagine where he puts it all!

I didn't return to the show today, though it looks like about everybody else from the barn did...good for them, it got OVER 90 degrees today, LOL...better them than me! I did ride Quzqo (he still likes me, amazing!) this afternoon, in the indoor (shady) arena, and I'd dug out my old draw reins from Tezlu's day, and introduced him to them. It took about a minute, maybe two, for him to understand about draw reins, but once he got the idea that he's supposed to lower his head and tuck his chin to rein pressure, not raise his head sky-high and make faces...I got on him and rode him maybe 20 minutes...I had to use barely ANY pressure to get him to drop his head, and of course, immediately released the pressure when he did...he figured it out
SO quickly it's scary...I'd been avoiding using draw reins because I had some goofy idea of avoiding "abuse" with him, not using anything "artificial", not even a curb bit or kimberwicke, but I think now I realize if they're used as learning tools, they can be a good thing...and he's SO damned smart, who knows, maybe in 13 days, he'll be a different horse!

And thus is our tale told.